well, I could drink a case of you and still be on my feet,

I would still be on my feet. – Prince

“—He’s just a kid! Nineteen years old! Well, okay, that’s not so—but he IS very immature! I don’t know what they’re thinking, getting married this young, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Well, I--”

“Sure you do. Man , I remember when he was this little punk kid with crap manners, just a little innocent thing, barhopping with me in Hiroshima—actually, I guess his manners are still crap, and--”

*****

Imbibing a depressant on the roof of a building with a drunken and possibly insane cabdriver was doing little to lighten Akira’s mood. However, as annoying as the cab driver was, he knew a lot of stories about Shindo Hikaru…and of course, Akira never tired of hearing those, so he kept quiet and drank his white wine.

The door to the roof swung open and Shindo himself appeared with a couple of six-packs. He shut the door and looked around cautiously, like a marked man.

“Shindo!” Kawai-san cried in greeting, going straight for a beer.

“What are you doing out here?” Asked Akira.

“Hiding from the stripper.” Shindo replied. “Isn’t that what you guys are doing?”

“Well, yes.” Admitted Akira.

“You mean I’m missing the stripper?!!!” Kawaii-san tossed the beer back to Shindo in a panic, flung the door open and ran back down to the party.

Shindo shrugged and went to shut and lock the door after him to keep anyone else from coming up. Akira watched him carefully.

“You’re just going to abandon your own party?” Akira asked, trying to sound as if he really dissapproved, but not really managing it.

“Well, I’m sure as hell not going back, with the stripper and the drinking and the craziness.” Hikaru climbed up on the sidewall, next to where Akira was leaning, cracked open a beer.

“Well, if I’d known that you wanted a really chaste bachelor’s party, I probably could have planned it after all.” Akira said softly.

“Naw, the guys never would have let you do it on your own anyway. It’s stupid to have one guy do all the work just because he’s Best Man.” Hikaru grinned when he said ‘best man,’ clearly delighted that Akira was going to be his.

Akira smiled back. His pleasure at having been chosen to play such an important role in Hikaru’s wedding was real. It really was. The fact of the marriage itself broke his heart to pieces, but he was glad to be a part of it. Initially, Akira had suggested that Waya might be a more appropriate choice for best man, but Shindo was very stubborn about having Akira by his side, and Akira couldn’t really refuse Hikaru anything anymore.

Akira hadn’t thought of this before it happened, in all these years of studying go with Shindo, he hadn’t thought that things would change like this. He knew that Shindo had been dating That Girl, of course, but, Akira’d rather imagined the two of them growing into an Ogata-sensei-like batchelorhood together.

The two young men drank in companionable silence for awhile, feeling the breeze. Akira looking at Hikaru, thinking how right the other boy looked framed by stars …and Akira wondered if it would ever be like this again, if he’d ever have Shindo to himself again. He drained his glass.

“So, what were you and Kawaii-san talking about?” Shindo asked, grinning.

“Oh god.” Akira took the beer Shindo handed him, shaking his head. “He was the strangest man…Where on earth do you find these people, Shindo?”

“Go parlor, kinda like the place I picked you up at.”

“Because it’s your last night of freedom I am going to ignore your horrible syntax and the fact that you certainly did not ‘pick me up’ from anywhere.”

“Again with the Last Night of Freedom Crap! That’s what Kaga and Waya were trying to feed me as they tried to handcuff me to the stripper—who, I don’t think is exclusively a stripper, as I was feeling very violated back there.”

“So you ran away to the roof to drink twelve beers by yourself?”

Hikaru shrugged. “I kinda figured you were up here.”

“Oh.” Akira turned away, to hide his pleasure that Hikaru might wish to spend his last night of freedom with him. Hikaru looks at Akira for a few moments, and then he hopped off of the sidewall. Touched Akira on the shoulder hesitantly, which was unlike him.

“Hey, Touya…” Hikaru steps closer, faces him. Looks suddenly, adorably nervous…and Akira is so caught up in thinking that he hasn’t seen the now top-level Kishi look this nervous in years, and how sweet he looks when he is nervous, Akira is so caught up in thinking that that he’s taken completely by surprise when Shindo presses his lips up to Akira’s. Hikaru kisses him quickly and sweetly, and then immediately steps back, both hands on Akira’s shoulders, to guage his reaction.

“What was that?” Akira asked, surprised and breathless.

“Um, well, Last Night of Freedom…you know…” Hikaru lifts one hand from Akira’s shoulder to gesture in the air vaguely, and then looked at Akira hopefully. “Would you…would you want to…?” Hikaru, despite his anxiousness and inability to ask for this straight out, had an air of affected casualness about him…he had an air of someone who was trying seem calm in order to relax an unbroken horse.

Akira shrugged. It was all he could make himself do.

“Yes?” Hikaru asked, stepping forward, kissing softly. Akira suddenly wanted so badly to taste him. Really have him for once. Just this once. He moved his lips inexpertly against Shindo’s, but Shindo smiled against his mouth and didn’t seem to mind.

In his haze, Akira noted how carefully Shindo was touching him, how softly he laid his mouth on Akira’s, and how the kisses would be broken every once in a while and green eyes would look into his own concernedly after almost every kiss. “So… are you, what do you want to do?” Whispered Hikaru to him, “You can have whatever you want. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“As long as you’re with me I don’t care what we do, I just--” Akira stopped himself. He had loved Hikaru for such a long time, and to finally, finally touch him…but Akira had to control what he said. Hikaru’s wedding was tomorrow--

“What?” Hikaru asked.

“Ah, nothing.” Akira murmured back. And he pulled Hikaru’s head to his neck and buried his face in that bleached hair, and then tried very, very hard not to tell Shindo that he’d loved him since he was twelve years old.

Hikaru suckled at his throat and pulled him tight against his body. Akira rubbed his cheek against Hikaru’s temple, pressed his palms against the back of Hikaru’s neck, just anything to touch as much of Hikaru’s skin to his own. Akira had never touched him before, he’d simply never allowed himself to. But it was heaven to him now, touching Hikaru.

Akira never would have asked for this, never would he have dared ask Hikaru to touch him, or to be allowed to touch Hikaru. But now that Akira was going to lose him to some little girl who was barely a second kyu, Akira has to bite his lip to keep from begging Hikaru to touch him. And now that he has, Akira can’t imagine never touching this precious skin again…

Tears began to stream down Akira’s face, and Akira was by now too far gone to notice or care to hide them. But Shindo kissed each tear away, quietly, as if he expected to find them there.

Unbuttons Akira’s oxford shirt, slips his hands up inside, feeling, stroking, he pulls the rest of Akira’s clothing loose. This pleasure becomes almost too much for Akira, he can see Hikaru’s tanned hands splayed across his own pale body, Akira’s body was rarely touched, now he imagined that he could feel the whorls of Hikaru’s fingerprints, the callouses the Go stones have left on the other kishi’s fingers. Akira pressed his lips together, trying to stifle a moan.

“Is it…alright if we lie on the ground?”

“Anything.” Akira said shortly.

Hikaru cradled Akira’s sleek head in his hands as he pressed his body on top of the taller boy’s.

And Akira doesn’t care that he’s naked on top of the cold concrete roof, all he can feel is the warmth of Hikaru’s smooth skin, and for once he doesn’t let himself think ahead, because it hurts too much. He just lets himself feel Shindo’s body and knows that he belongs to him for tonight at least, for tonight, --oh god he’s so warm—he’s so beautiful.

Akira feels something slick and gentle enter his body, and he wonders at Hikaru’s preparedness, he wonders why Hikaru would ever have thought to bring lubricant to his own bachelor party. And when Hikaru first pressed inside of him, through the sweet hurt of it, the pressure and need to be touched by Hikaru like this, he sees Hikaru’s green eyes search his own again, with heartbreaking concern and he realizes that Hikaru knows. Of course he knew.

The next morning, Akira’s body was still trembling like something that’s been touched. He bathes and dresses, as carefully as he can. He composes himself. He was still Shindo’s friend and rival, eternal rival. He was still important to Shindo. He just couldn’t touch him ever again. And who needs to touch him? Not Touya Akira. Go was more intimate than sex, go was more intimate than anything, than touching, tasting, and watching Shindo’s mouth tremble and knowing you’re the one, you’re the one making him moan, making him come…. Go was better. Than that.

****

In his new black suit, standing in front of the temple, Shindo looked like a handsome stranger. It hurt so much to gaze at that slim back. Akira was seized by an urge to run away before Shindo could spot him.

But then Shindo turned, his face lighting up when he saw Akira. Standing there, with that big smile and figeting in his stiff new suit, he looked about twelve years old. Akira had loved him so much when he was twelve. And Akira knew then that he wouldn’t ever be able to turn away from Shindo. So, he straightened his jacket and walked over to his side.