Title: Doushite?
Author: Hikari
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com
Rated: PG-13
Part: Part 1




Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...
  This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:
Volume 15.  Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira.  This story is my own
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.
  Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'




Part 1: WHEN?

	Touya Akira stared intently at his computer screen and the
game currently being played.  Who ever his opponent was, not only
took a long time to place his moves but was inexperienced enough
to not know when to quit.  After passing a hand briskly over his
features, he moved the mouse towards the button and resigned.  He
had no desire to play with fools at this moment.

	‘Why?’ he asked himself as he reclined in his chair. ‘Why?’

	It was the one word that had been bouncing around in his
mind ever since his encounter with Shindo in the library.  He
couldn’t understand his reasoning for forfeiting all those games.
Hadn’t he gotten this far because he had been chasing after him?
They still hadn’t played.  Shindo should not have been satisfied
with that.  He still had to show him how good he was!!

	The small picture frame next to his screen fell over from
the force of his blow on the desk.  He balled his hand into a
tighter fist.  “Why?”

	Then, like a gentle hand placed on his shoulder, he felt
the cool breeze sooth his spirit.  Touya closed his eyes and let
his body relax.  ‘A year… no, a little more than that.’  But, had
it really been that long ago since Shindo and him had first met?

	All his life had been planned in a straight path traveled
with the sole purpose to surpass his father, and all that was
changed by a chance encounter with a boy.  ‘Had Ogata-san been
right when he had said that he held more drive for things when
ever Shindo was involved?’  And, what of the mysteries behind it?
Sai and Shindo, Shindo and Sai...  “Who are you really Shindo?”
Touya wondered.

	Suddenly, his eyes became focused and as he stared at his
book on Shuusaku’s Kifus it all became clear to him.  He would get
to the bottom of it, because this wasn’t the rival he knew.  ‘This
mystery has an answer,’ he thought to himself as he picked up the
book.  ‘And he would get that answer out of Shindo if it was the
last thing he did.’


	*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	Green eyes wandered aimlessly over the ceiling’s texture.
It seemed like no matter how much time passed, Sai would not be
coming back.  Hikaru turned on his side and looked out his window
from his huddled position on the bed.  Calm blue sky...

	Softly, the wind blew on the curtains and the warm air that
circulated about began to lull him into sleep.  It would be ok to
forget –to pretend as if it had never happened.  It would be ok to
quit something he should never have begun.  His brow furrowed as he
shut his eyes tighter thinking, ‘Aren’t you ever coming back?’

	‘Hikaru...’

	‘Sai?’ he wondered in his dreamy state.  The sound had been
so faint he had barely caught it.

	‘Hikaru...’

	He opened his eyes.  He could almost swear to have heard it
this time.  ‘Sai?!’  The boy sat up and looked desperately around
his room.  ‘SAI?!’

	“Hikaru...”

	His eyes fell on the closed bedroom door.  ‘It wasn’t him,’
he realized now recognizing his mother’s voice.  All hope had fled
from him with the droop of his shoulders.  Yet it was soon replaced
with self-hate as his clumsy hand came up to dry the new coursing
tears.  ‘Baka!’ he yelled.

	“Shindo Hikaru!!”

	‘So incessant!  Couldn’t she just leave him alone?’  Within
seconds he was at his door, yanking it open and yelling in response,
“WHAT?!”

	Down from the foyer, he could hear his mother’s worried
voice say, “You have a visitor.”

	“I- “ he hesitated.  “I don’t want to see anybody.” He
replied as he closed the door to his sanctuary and returned to his
bed.  Rolling over towards the window, Hikaru tried to return to
that numb state he had nearly been in, but as he lay back down on
his bed reality refused to disappear.  Like a young child, he
grabbed his pillow and pulled it to his chest hugging it fiercely,
only then did he proceed to cry.

	A couple of minutes later he heard a knock at his door,
and, when he didn’t answer the first time, the call was repeated.
‘Why couldn’t he just cry in peace?’ he asked himself as he yelled,
“GO AWAY.”

	“So, you’re just planning to hide out here in your room?”

	Hikaru’s tears seized immediately as his eyes widened in
dawning recognition.  ‘It was him... it just had to be...’  And he
hadn’t even heard his door open!

	“Well?”

	He turned around, half hoping that he really wasn’t there
and he that had misheard his voice like what had happened before.
However, as his eyes connected with piercing blue ones, he knew that
Touya Akira was truly in his room.  ‘Don’t look at me like that!’
he wanted to call out, because he didn’t feel like he deserved it.
His features became wary as he stared at Touya.  “What are you doing
here?”

	Touya wondered about that too.  ‘What had brought him here?’
He wished he knew.  Lowering his head, strands of forest green hair
fell forward hiding his features.  Sharp eyes examined the room only
to keep returning to the goban situated next to the entertainment
center.  “Why did you quit?” he asked as his eyes caught the dust on
it with sadness.

	Hikaru gave him his profile.  “I told you,” he began
repeating his past saying again.  “I’m no good.”  ‘It was Sai,’
his thoughts continued.  ‘Sai who you chased... Sai who was good...
Not me.  Not me...’

	“That’s not true,” Touya said, “I think you’re good!” his
eyes determined on his task.  He would find out what had happened!

	“You don’t know that...” he insisted.  “You haven’t played
me yet.”

	“I’VE PLAYED YOU BEFORE!” he countered angry.

	“That doesn’t count!” Hikaru quickly threw back as he
squeezed his pillow harder. ‘That was Sai…’

	However, his words were just drowned out as Touya went on
saying, “and you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you didn’t have
the skills!”

	“That doesn’t count!!” he repeated –his voice desperate.

	“THEN PLAY ME!!” He yelled as he squeezed his fists.

	“NO!” Hikaru yelled as tears ran down his cheeks.  “Leave me
alone!”

	His hands became lax as his blue eyes watched Shindo cry.
He felt his heart clench and simply breathing became harder to do.
What ever had happened to him must have been really serious.
“Shin...do-kun...” he walked closer to the boy’s bed.  “What’s
wrong?” he asked concerned.

	Hikaru just cried silently, hugging his pillow tighter every
now and then.

	Hesitantly, Touya placed his hand on top of Hikaru’s head.
His fingers dipped within the boy’s soft hair as he raked it in a
soothing manner.  Crouching down to the boy’s height, he proceeded
to push the yellow bangs away from his eyes.  Shindo’s features were
dipped in misery and Akira could feel his heart breaking slowly at
seeing him like this.  But why did it pain him so?  Was it because
they were rivals?

	His rough hand gently wiped away the boy’s tears from his
warm round cheeks.  Touya’s eyes looked on in pain and before he
knew it, he too could feel tears run down his face.  He rested his
forehead against Hikaru’s and sighed.  ‘Why did he cry too?’

	As if caught in a play, his moves came just naturally as he
kissed Hikaru’s cheek, then lower, and lower... until tentatively
he brushed his lips against the boy’s.  It was a soft brief meeting
and a chaste on at that, but when his mouth dipped again Akira
almost wanted to demand his rival to rise up to the challenge.

	Hikaru felt the pressure at his lips.  The warmth pressed
against him felt so comforting.  He could feel Touya’s hand move
towards the back of his head, supporting its weight as he learned
into it.  But the moment was not meant to be, because when he
relaxed and parted his lips slightly, the sensation of Touya
slipping within became too much.  Hikaru jerked backwards in
surprise as both of their eyes flew open.

	“I... I...” Touya stammered as his thoughts became
disjointed.  ‘Did he just?’  What had happened?  Why? And how?

	Shindo just stared at him, unsure as how to respond.  His
eyes were wet with tears but at that moment, he could not recall
the reason for his sadness.  Did it really- ?  Had Touya really
kissed him just seconds ago?


To be continued...

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:

It's been a while minna, has it not?  Close to about 2 years since
I had thought I had given up writing fanfiction.  Yet, the need to
write things I can share with the world and hear your opinions on
them is also a great motivation.  I must say, I'm still amazed to
get reviews for fanfictions I had finished a lot time ago.  So,
maybe I can give this another go, ne?  (No pun intended!)
Please don't forget to review, I'd like to know if people are
actually reading this so to post the next chapter.  Arigatou.

att:  Hikari


Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...
  This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:
Volume 15.  Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira.  This story is my own
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.
  Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'




Part 2:  WHERE?


	“What’s wrong, Akira-san?  Aren’t you hungry?”

	Touya blinked and stared up at his mother.  He picked up his
chopsticks again and grabbed his bowl of rice.  “I’m fine.” He said
softly as he began to eat once more.  He had to stop thinking about
it.  He had to stop thinking about it!

	She looked at her son with worry, but remained silent at his
answer.  If Akira chose to say something, he knew that she would
listen.  Her eyes threw a side glance at her husband who remained
stoic.  She wished she knew what had happened to cause such tension
in the room.

	“Gochisou-samadeshita,” Akira said as he bowed his head and
began to stand up.

	His mother stared at his half eaten food and raised her
hand timidly.  “But...” she looked away as she bowed her head.
“Never mind.”

	 Touya left the dining room and went up the stairs towards
his room.  Closing the door, he leaned on it as he stared up at the
ceiling.  ‘Had he really...?’

	The events of earlier that day seemed so fuzzy in his mind
right now except for one: his kiss with Hikaru.  He couldn’t
understand what had driven him to do that.  In his head their
relationship had always been rivalry because as much as he hated
to admit it now Hikaru had always been considered his rival, even
when he had negated the fact.  In the beginning he had chased after
Shindo, and then Shindo had chased after him... Now it seemed like
it was back to him doing the chasing.  But when were they going to
catch each other?

	He propelled himself from the door as he covered his mouth
with shame –the blush staining his cheeks very apparent.  ‘Baka!’ he
called himself at the stupidity of his own thoughts.  He was just
obsessed with Shindo right now because of go.  After all... weren’t
just supposed to be rivals?


                *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	Hikaru sat on the floor leaning against the side of his bed
as he stared intently at the goban.  ‘Sai…’ he wondered as he rested
his weary head on his arms.  ‘Why did you leave?’  He had searched
everywhere:  Torajiro’s grave, the Go Center, Grandpa’s attic, yet
it seemed like he was no where to be found.  “I promise I won’t play
anymore, just come back.” He whispered.

	“ARGH!” he groaned as he wiped angrily at his eyes.  He was
beginning to behave like Akari would.  Crying all day long, it
seemed like that was the only thing he did recently.  And to have
Touya see him like that...  “TOUYA!” He blushed in remembrance.
‘What the hell?!’ he thought to himself.  Why was he blushing?

	He brought his knees closer to his chest and wrapped his
arms around them.  With his chin resting on top, he mulled over the
encounter.  It had felt so nice to have someone there trying to
make him feel better.  But he had to admit that what had made it
even better was the fact that it had been Touya.  After all that
chasing, he had finally made him turn around and look his way –even
if hadn’t deserved it.

	With a shaky hand, Hikaru traced his lips.  He could still
remember the feel of it.  Everything Touya had done to him.  He
didn’t deserve such compassion.  It was his fault that Sai had gone
away.  But the fact remained: that had been his first kiss...


                *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	Coming back from the bookstore, Hikaru called out “Tadaimasu~”
only to have no one answer.  He looked in the kitchen, the living
room and his parent’s room but his mother was not home.  Heading back
into the kitchen, he placed his bag down as he opened the fridge and
proceeded to pour himself a glass of orange juice.  As he closed the
door, he noticed the note left there by his mother.  “Went to the
convenience store... be back soon... dinner later...” he read.

	‘Whatever,’ he thought as he grabbed his bag and went up to
his room.  He took out the new volume of Magazine Z that he had
bought and plopped down on his bed.  Manga... as good an escape of
reality as anything.

	Half way through it, he felt sleep try and take its toll,
so placing the magazine down, he rolled over and took a nap.  An
hour later, awakened by a cold chill, Hikaru sat up in bed.  Rubbing
his sleepy eyes, he looked past his open bedroom door and heard
voices coming from downstairs.  He sniffed the air.  ‘Mom’s home.’

	Going down stairs and into the kitchen, his eyes could not
believe what he saw.  With a dry throat, he croaked out, “Tou...ya...”

	The green haired boy upon hearing his name stopped smiling
and turned his attention at the new comer.  His blue eyes took in
Shindo’s rumpled hair and childish face.  It was a test of strength
to prevent the blush that wanted to surface from appearing.
“Hikaru...” he whispered and turned red then at being so bold.
‘It was his mother’s influence,’ he told himself.  He had heard her
call him that so much... it was only natural his tongue would slip
up, right?

	It seemed that he had finally gotten his emotions back into
control.  Green eyes showed signs of anger as they stared down at
the guy who sat so naturally at his dinner table.  “What are you
doing here Touya?”

	“Hikaru!” his mother snapped.  “Don’t be rude to him.  He
helped me carry the groceries inside.”

	“I came to talk to you.”

	Hikaru turned around and left the kitchen, not even deigning
that statement with a response.  ‘Stupid Touya...  First he runs
out of my house, and now he comes back to talk!!’

	“Shindo!” he heard from behind as he stopped half way up
the stairs.  “I need to talk to you.”

	“Funny,” he said as he looked at Touya.  “It seems that you
think that just because you want it, it’s going to happen.”  ‘Things
don’t work like that,’ he continued in his thoughts.  ‘Otherwise Sai
would already be here.’  He had reached his room, fully aware that
he had been followed the whole time.  Heading to his desk he sat
down and pretended to start doing homework -his senses completely
aware of the fact that Touya had closed his door.

	“I’m not leaving until we play a game.” He said, voice
determined.

	Hikaru sighed.  “What makes you think I’m going to play?”

	“I’ll make you a deal,” he said as he neared the desk.  “If
you just play me once, I swear I won’t ever bother you again.”

	He turned around and looked at Akira.  His eyes were serious
and he could tell that he meant everything he had said.  It was
tempting.  So tempting, but Sai...  “No.”

	“WHY?!” he yelled.

	“I’m no good.”

	Touya groaned out and Hikaru felt himself being swung around.
Staring face to face, he could see the anger in Akira’s eyes.  They
were as bottomless and as torrent as the sea... “Don’t...lie...to...
me!” he ground out.

	“Fine!” he said as he moved his head to the side. Their
faces had come to close for comfort and he was beginning to feel
uncomfortable again.  Bending down and pulling the goban from its
neglected position, he placed it in the middle of the room.  He
cleared it and passed his arm over it to clean off the dust.  Touya
sat on one end, his eyes like they always got went in battle.

	They nigiri and Hikaru won black.  “Douzo,” they said in
unison. The first move was his.  ‘Gomen... Sai,’ he thought as he
placed the first stone: kosumi.  Touya moved next, and Hikaru
responded.  Stone after stone, the game began to fall into shape.

	Every now and then, Akira could feel Shindo’s eyes on him.
He knew not why, but the more they played, the more he saw a light.
It was as if the answer to an unsolved riddle was close to becoming
known.  What has started as a strangely tame game, was beginning to
turn into an interesting battle.

	Touya could see it.  It was there every time his eyes caught
Shindo the moment he placed a stone.  Determination and the will to
win the game...  No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he was good.

	He couldn’t help but smile.  He was finally playing the game
he had so long been dreaming of: Touya Akira vs. Shindo Hikaru.  He
had missed this feeling.  The way the cold stones felt between his
fingers.  Their smooth texture and the commanding sound they
produced when placed down.  The desire for a better game... like
trying to reach the perfect hand, the Hand of God...

	Hikaru’s eyes lost their focus, as he felt his silent tears
stain the goban.  Touya retracted his hand and placed his stone back
in its container.

	‘Sai...’ Hikaru lowered his head.  ‘That’s what Sai had been
trying to reach.’  All this time, all those years… he still could
not understand why he had left.  But as he stared at the goban, the
stones aligned so perfectly... it was as if he was beginning to
understand something that was beyond the now.  ‘Why had *he* given
up?  Why had *he* lost faith?’

	He placed his hand on his knees and began to cry in anger at
all the time he had wasted and how stupid he had been.  Sai would
have wanted him to master the move if he couldn’t.  So why had be
been so blind?  “Gomen ne, Sai.” He whispered.

	Touya’s eyes widened momentarily wondering if he had heard
correctly, but unsure if he should ask.  It was obvious that Hikaru
hadn’t been feeling so well.  “How about we continue this game
another day?” he suggested with a smile.  Shindo was going to be
just fine.  Something inside him just told him so.

	As he gathered up his stones and returned them to their
place, Shindo smiled sadly and said, “Arigatou.”

	Akira just held himself in check for his body almost dropped
to its knees and brought the boy in for a hug.  It was in moments
such as these that he seemed so sweet and beautiful.  He gathered
up his strength and stood ready to walk towards the door.

	“Touya...”

	He stopped and turned around to look at Shindo.  “Yeah?”

	Hikaru raised his head and looked into his Akira’s.  “Why
did you run away yesterday?”  He stood and neared his rival.  “Why
did you kiss me?”

	It had been such an innocent question.  However, why could
he not answer it?  Touya opened his mouth but no words would come
out.  He could see the expectation in Shindo’s eyes, waiting... “It
–It just felt like the right thing to do at the time.”

	His heart felt slightly heavy and he couldn’t understand why
those words had not made him feel any better.  ‘What type of answer
had he been hoping for?’  He glanced to the side as a smile spread
on his mouth.  He looked up at Touya, his eyes serious as his face
drew near.  Then, before the green haired boy had a chance to step
back, Hikaru pressed his lips to his and kissed him.

	Akira closed his eyes.  ‘This isn’t real.’ He thought, as he
felt Shindo timidly slide his tongue across his lower lip before
gently nibbling on it with his teeth.  He felt the soft withdrawal
and when he opened his eyes again, Hikaru was looking at him with a
glazed expression he was sure was a mirror of his own.

	He fought to bring himself back to the present, and he knew
that the question was clear in his eyes as he stared into Hikaru’s.
But the boy just smiled as he took a step back.  ‘Was he going to
make him say it out loud?’  He wouldn’t.  He had his pride.

	Touya headed towards the door, his hand wrapping around the
knob -yet he could not open it.  “Why?” he asked.  Because he needed
to know...  Because he wanted to be sure...

	Shindo smiled from his bed as he watched Touya’s back.  ‘He
had guessed right.  He knew it!’  Grabbing a magazine, he flipped
through it dragging out the moment until Touya could take it no more.
The instant he turned around and Hikaru could see his face he said,
“Because it felt like the right thing to do.”



To be continued...

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:

I'll make it short, I promise!!  I just wanted to thank all of you
who replied or emailed me about this story.  I'm really glad that
you liked it.  I don't know how soon I'll be able to get the 3rd
part written since I'm starting semester finals, but if there is
one thing that you can be sure of is that I always finish what I
start.  So stick around... I will get it done!

att:  Hikari



Part 3:  WHAT?


	Warmth could be felt all around as Hikaru walked down the
sidewalk.  He clenched his fist and smiled.  ‘The return to the go
world...’ How he had missed it!

	A week had passed since his confrontation with Touya and it
had been a week since they’d talked.  Hikaru had seen him today at
the go center.  They had been in that same room... breathing the same
air...  But Touya had refused to look his way.  Well, that would not
be exactly true.  Hikaru had felt his glances –could not pretend that
the tension had not been there.

	“ARGH!  Why couldn’t he wait for my game to end?!” he said
aloud.

	“What are you talking about Hikaru?”

	He blinked and turned around.  “Akari?” he enunciated slowly.

	“Baka.” She smiled as she walked up to him.  “Are you talking
to yourself again?”

	Hikaru’s cheeks puffed a little as he said childishly, “No.”

	Akari bit her lip and threw him a side glance.  “Where are you
headed?”

	“I was hungry so I wanted to get some ramen.”

	Her eyes lit up.  “Mind if I come with you?”

	Green eyes watched the red-haired girl carefully.  “Sure,” he
said as he began to walk.  “You can do what ever you want.”

	Happily, Akari fell into step -her orange eyes fleetingly
looking at him.  The truth had been that while she may not have shown
it much over the past couple of weeks, she had been very worried about
her friend.  A sense of relief washed over her.  Somehow, he seemed
better... happier...

	Her smile became forlorn.  While she was glad that he had
gotten out of his rut, she wished she could have done something to
help him.  Maybe she should invite him to the go club at school?
Mitani was now playing regularly with them, so there was no fear
that he’d storm out.  She lowered her head, looking at her feet
and the steps she took.  Why did Hikaru seem so distant now?

	“Hey! Where are you going?”

	Akari looked up and back at Shindo.  He was standing at the
entrance of the shop and giving her a strange expression.  She smiled
sheepishly as she hurried over to him.  In her dazed state she had
walked right past it.  “Hehe...” she said as she hurried through.

	Hikaru let the door close behind him.  “You know, you’re
acting pretty strange.”  They sat down at a table.  “Are you feeling
alright?”

	“Of course I am!” she replied indignantly.  Taking charge, she
looked at the waitress and ordered two bowls of ramen.  “You’re the
one that’s been acting weird lately.  Why did you skip classes today?”

	He let a broad smile shape his lips.  “I had a match today.”

	Her eyes grew wide.  “You’re playing again?!”

	He accepted the bowl.  “Yeah,” and broke his chopsticks.
“Itadakimasu~”

	Her chest hurt as she watched Hikaru take the first bite.
“Itadakimasu.” She whispered as an afterthought, before bringing
the warm noodles up for a taste.  In her thoughts, scenes past kept
replaying.  ‘Touya-kun had shown up too...’  Akari’s eyes wandered
towards the shop’s window.  ‘What had been his reason... What did
they talk about... and why was she letting it bother her?’

	“SHINDO!”

	Akari and Hikaru looked over towards the round incoming man.
Immediately, the young boy stood from his seat and smiled.
“Kurata-san!”

	The pro neared the couple.  “Eating ramen with a pretty girl?”
he grabbed a chair and sat himself at their table.  “Mind if I join
you?”

	Shindo made a sour face.  “I’m not paying for you.”

	Atsushi looked over towards the girl.  “Is he always this
cheap?”  He watched as she just shook her head and let a giggle
escaped her lips.  The waiter came and he placed his order, his sharp
eyes catching the way Shindo sulked.  “So... I heard you’re back.”

	The smile was brought back to life.  “Yeah,” he said, pure
confidence oozing out from him.  “I’ll never quit go.”

	“That’s good to hear.” He said accepting his dish.  “You
still have to play me in an official game after all.”

	“Anou...” Akari’s timid voice broke the comfortable mood.
“I’m sorry but, who are you?”

	“WHAT?!” The large man’s small eyes grew wide as he stared
in disbelief at the girl.  “You don’t know who I am?”

	Inwardly, Hikaru could do nothing but smile as he recalled
the moment when he too had not known who this man was.  However, when
he watched Akari shake her head, the mirth just bubbled up inside of
him, and soon his rich laughter could be heard everywhere within the
restaurant.

	“It’s not a laughing matter!” the man retorted.  “Hey
waitress,” he called as he raised his hand for attention.  “Do
you happen to have a fan?”

	“Don’t bother!” Hikaru waived the request indifferently.
“She won’t want it.”

	“Akari placed her hands on the table.  “Want what?  And who
says I won’t?!”  She turned to stare at the new comer.  “My name is
Fujisaki Akari.” She even gave a little bow.  “Nice to meet you.”

	“Kurata Atsushi-san.  Soon to be Honinbo,”

	“YEAH RIGHT!”

	Both turned to look at Hikaru... both sticking their tongues
out at him.  He let a heavy sigh escape his lungs and rolled his eyes.
This had just become the longest lunch break he had ever taken.


                  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	“You know right?” Kurata said as they exited the establishment.

	Hikaru stopped and looked back.  “Know what?”

	“About your game with Touya.”

	Her chest throbbed again, and Akari could not help the
involuntary raise of her hand to her heart.  Her eyes were alert
as they tried to decipher all the expressions that flew by his face.
They caught the way he held his breath, the way his eyes wandered
slightly to no where in particular, but they were mostly intent on
the way the gently said, “Yeah... I know.”

	“You know, you two make a pretty cute couple.”  Kurata laughed
as he began to walk away.  “Sorry if I messed up your date.”

	Panic and a noticeable blush strung out every nerve ending
in Hikaru’s face as he instantaneously yelled back, “That- That’s
not true!!”

	While the embarrassment of the lie had caused her face to be
tainted with a flush, the blunt negation by Hikaru had stung her
emotionally and caused all color to drain quickly.  Not knowing how
to stop herself, her hand flew out and struck her classmate across
the cheek leaving a nasty imprint.  “BAKA!” she screamed -the glimmer
of tears brimming from her eyes as she turned away and ran off.


                  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	He placed another stone on the goban –sharp blue eyes studying
each move with detached calmness.  Now that his match was over, he
could concentrate on the problem that had been nagging him ever since
he had let Shindo slip from his fingers.  The reconstruction of the
game between them had given him food for thought.  It had been the
start of a wonderful battle and the fact that it was unfinished had
kept him up most of the nights.

	“Kuso,” he swore as he realized how affected he had been by
his rival’s emotional state.  Had it been anyone else he would have
shown no mercy and played the game to its end.  He placed another
stone on the board and suddenly, his eyes began to widen.

	‘Sai...’  It was there, on the board: The Hikaru he had played
in the past, and the Sai who had beaten his father.  No trace was left
of the boy who had disappointed him in the school tournament... it was
almost as if he had never existed.  ‘But, it couldn’t be...’

	“Akira-san?”

	He looked up to see his mother peeking into the room from the
door.  “Hai?”

	Her eyes traveled the board.  ‘Like father like son,’ she
thought, smiling to herself.  “Kurata-san is here to see you.”

	“Kurata-pro?”  He turned to glimpse at his clock.  “Oh!  I
forgot about the time.”  He stood from his seat and followed his
mother to the living room.

	The man stood up.  “Touya…”

	The young boy bowed respectfully.  “Kurata-san.”

	“Congratulations on your win today,” he said as he took his
seat again.  “Touya-sensei sure must be proud.  After all, you’re
already in the Honinbo League...”

	Akira kept quiet for a moment before he sat down.  “Thank you,”
he replied politely.

	“I swear, the new wave sure is impressive,” Kurata continued.
 “You’re 
already so far ahead and with the way Shindo returned, it seems as if
he 
hadn’t even dropped a level...”

	‘Shindo...’ Touya thought, remembering that morning’s match.
‘His face had been so set on his game, on his opponent…’ he could even
recall the sharpness with which the boy’s graceful hand had placed his
stones.

	“...I saw him today.”

	Akira looked up.  “Huh?”

	“Yeah,” Kurata said as he smiled.  “I ran into him and his
girlfriend at the ramen shop.”

	His blood stopped flowing, and he could feel as his heartbeat
came to a near halt.  “Girlfriend?” he managed to croak out from his
suddenly fry throat.

	“Yes.”  The man took a sip of the tea Touya’s mother had
brought for them.  “You know, I think there’s hope for him yet.
She’s actually quite pretty.  She has straight red hair and pretty
orange eyes.”

	“A- Akari?”

	“Yeah,” he said impressed.  “Do you know her?”

	If he had the power to turn invisible, to have the earth
swallow him whole, he would use it right now for the pain he was
feeling in his chest was becoming unbearable.  “Yes,” he admitted
lowering his head, afraid Kurata-san might see the tears he felt
would soon appear.  “She’s a classmate of his.”

	“I wonder what she sees in that kid?” the pro added jokingly.
“All I ever thought he breathed was go.”

	“Yeah…”  The pain in Akira’s chest was getting stronger. “I
wonder too.”  His hands closed into fists.  ‘Why was it becoming
more difficult to breathe?  Why did he feel as if the room was
closing in?’

	Kurata’s eyes watched as Touya’s face changed shades.  “Are
you ok?”

	His stomach... “No,” Akira whispered as he placed a hand to
his throat and quickly ran from the living room, into the bathroom.
‘Why did he feel so sick?’


                  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, Akira discovered
the dark circles under his eyes caused by getting no rest that night.
Tossing and turning –his sheets on his bed had moved loose and now you
could plainly see the mattress peek through.  He splashed some water
on his face and toweled it try.  He hated having nightmares...

	Walking towards his closet, he pulled out a short-sleeved
striped shirt and a pair of slacks.  ‘Today was another day at the
go center...’  His eyes took on a far away look.  ‘Shindo would be
there too.’

	While he got ready, his thoughts betrayed him.  His mind was
cruel to him... ‘Why did he still think about a simple kiss?’  His
face grew sour.  ‘And how many kisses had that girl gotten before him
–and still did?’  He shook his head from side to side trying to shake
away his own stupidity.  ‘She was his girlfriend after all... didn’t
see have every right?’

	‘All he had to do was get through today,’ was what he kept
chanting to himself as he entered the go center.  Thursday was the
last day in the week the pro’s played.  That would give him what,
five days to avoid his rival?

	He clenched his jaw.  ‘*His* rival...’  It had all been a
lie right?  He had never been his to begin with.

	“Touya...”

	Momentary panic set in his blue eyes before he masked the
expression.  Lifting his head proudly, he jutted forward his chin
and ignored the boy who had robbed him from sleep so many nights.
Regardless of what he felt, the truth still remained:  Shindo was
taken and had led him on.  ‘From now on the boy was invisible.  He
couldn’t touch him...  He couldn’t see him...’  But Touya knew that
the illusion was fragile and that the slightest smell could destroy
it.  Holding his breath so as not to take in his scent, Akira moved
past Hikaru and into the tatami room.  ‘All he had to do was get
through today...’



To be continued...

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:

A great big 'Thank You' to all who wished me luck on my finals. In
return I come bearing Holiday gifts. ^_^ I hope you like it. There
is just one more part left for this short ride to be over, so think
of reviews as fuels for my motivation.  How soon do you REALLY want
the end to come?

att:  Hikari


Part 4: WHO?

	Shindo’s eyes strayed past his opponent to the boy sitting
behind him.  The thin rigid frame was always so proper when engaged
in battle... Hikaru could look at him all day.  Shaking his head, he
returned his thoughts to the game at hand and placed his move.  He
had to finish before Touya did.  He had to ask him what was wrong.

	He thought they had progressed.  He thought that they would
be closer now... somehow.  After all, now they could play as many
times
as they wished.  But then, why was Touya giving him the cold shoulder
again.	His body tensed as a shiver crept up his spine.  ‘Those
eyes...’
he thought remembering the encounter.  ‘Had looked right through me.’

	“I... resign.”

	Hikaru blinked and stared at the bent head of his opponent.
“Thank you.” He said as he bowed in respect and began to place back
his stones.  His eyes glanced covertly from beneath his lashes past
his adversary, and widened when he realized that Touya had finished
his match already!

	Quickly, he went to the board, wrote down his victory and ran
out the door in search of Touya.  He looked to the right... to the
left... but he was no where to be seen.  “Damn it!” he cursed softly
as he ran down the hall.

	Up ahead, close to the elevator, his eyes fell on his prey.
“Touya!” he called out, only to notice the boy steel himself so as not
to turn around.  Inside, his blood began to boil.  ‘What the
hell...?!’
he thought as he finally reached him.  Grabbing him by his arm, he
yanked on it –forcing Touya to look at him and asked, “What’s wrong
with you?”

	Akira’s eyes went quickly from the place where Shindo’s hand
held him, to the boy’s lips and quickly up to his eyes.  The
expression
on his own face was cold as he glared with disdain.  “LET GO!” he
yelled
as he pried his arm away.

	His cheeks flamed as Hikaru felt everyone’s eyes turn on them.
The elevator rang, and without thinking, he cupped his hand over
Touya’s
mouth and dragged him into the lift while smiling sheepishly at the
onlookers.  As the doors closed, Touya broke free and seeked shelter
close to the buttons.  The elevator was heading down and he –he had to
wait in order to talk with him: there were people in the lift with
them.

	However, as Hikaru balled his hands into fists his determination
grew strong.  He had at least one clue now to his favor.  Touya was
mad.
Yes, that was obvious.	But the catch there was that he was mad at
him.
Now all he’d have to do is find out what he’d done and...  ‘Ground
floor
and Touya was already trying to run away,’ he thought as he caught the
boy squeeze past the metal doors to be the first one out.

	Akira quickened his pace, fully aware that his little advantage
hadn’t bought him much time.  He had to leave... he had to escape...
‘Damn Shindo!’ he thought to himself.  ‘Those warm hands...  Those
angry
eyes...’  It was he who should be angry!  ‘To have been played the
fool
and now strung up so tight...’

	He heard footsteps behind him, and soon afterwards felt Hikaru’s
strong hand take him by the arm and lead him forcefully into the
lounge.
His touch made him sick... It was like looking at candy through a shop
window when you had no money, and your palette was craving for a
taste.
He looked up into his rival’s face but turned away almost immediately.
“Let go...” he said through gritted teeth.  He had to remember, he
couldn’t forget...

	Hikaru studied Touya’s expression and complied with his request
by letting his hand release its grip and allowing his fingers to
caress
their way down before his arm fell to his side.  “Now do you want to
tell me what’s wrong?” he ventured on.

	Akira made a move to leave but Shindo blocked his way.  “Tell
me!” he yelled at him, only to have the green haired boy make another
evasive maneuver.  Yet, his eyes were sharp and knew that this
confrontation was not going to be an easy one.	Hikaru wrapped his
arms
around the boy’s body from behind and held him fast.  “Tell me why
you’re angry with me!”

	Touya turned around as the angry tears he had been trying to
contain broke free.  “Let go of me YOU LIAR!”

	“Liar?”  Hikaru repeated numbly as he thought really hard as
to what he meant –and with the slight slip of his grip Akira almost
got away.  “Wait, what did I lie about?”

	His body stopped struggling as it dawned on him the truth of
Hikaru’s words.  Never had he said or asked him if he was going out
with someone.  Never had they really had a conversation about how each
other felt besides rivalry.  Never had Hikaru promised him anything
besides a challenging game.  “Never mind,” he whispered, not trusting
his voice, and quickly disentangled himself and sprinted away.

	But he should have expected Hikaru to be right behind him.  He
should have known that he would not let the issue go so easily.  And
yet, he could not help but be amazed at the strength which hauled him
back into the room and slammed his back against the cool wall. 
“Sorry,”
he heard the boy say softly as he repositioned his arms to either side
of his body –holding him prisoner.  “But I’m not letting you go that
easily.”  His face was coming closer... he could feel his warm breath
as he said, “Not now that I’ve caught you.”

	Hikaru smiled sadly upon seeing Touya’s face contort in misery
at his words.  He didn’t understand what was wrong... what he had done
to hurt him.  And so, he let his feelings take over by allowing his
hand to trace the curve of Akira’s cheek.  “Why are you upset with
me?”
He slowly lowered his head.  ‘They had gotten past this point,’ he
thought, ‘So it would be ok it they kissed, right?’  He leaned his
face
in, his eyelids lowering ever so slowly –but Touya moved away.

	“Don’t,” he said as he turned his head to the side.

	“But...” he looked perplexed.  He couldn’t understand.  “But
why not?”  If he had done something wrong, Touya should just let him
know.  That way he could apologize for it and things would be ok.  Why
couldn’t he just tell him?!

	His voice was dead as he said, “Won’t your girlfriend be upset
if the word gets out?”

	“GIRLFRIEND?!”  Hikaru’s eyes grew wide as he backed away
from Touya –his face red.  “What are you talking about?  Who has a
girlfriend?”

	“Don’t lie!” he snapped, unknowingly pouting his lips.  “I know
about Akari.”

	Shindo blinked.  “Akari?”

	“YES!” he said exasperated, but when he caught a look at
Hikaru’s face his conviction began to crumble.  ‘Had he... had he
gotten the story wrong?’  And then, to his own mortification, the boy
who led him around with blinders on began to giggle.

	“Akari and me?”  Touya heard him repeat in an even more
incredulous manner as he threw his head back laughing.  It was slowly
dawning on him that his behavior mirrored that of a jealous wife.  A
pink blush began to stain his features as he raised his hand to cover
his mouth.

	Hikaru’s smile was bright.  “You though Akari and me were
together?”  He had finally gotten control over his mirth.  “What ever
gave you *that* messed up idea?”

	“But,“ his face was red with embarrassment.  “But I thought
that since you two were so close...” he grew silent.  “And then with
your date yesterday...” he paused once more.  “And Kurata-san said...”
he trailed off.

	“So it was he who gave you that idea!” Hikaru said as he finally
put the puzzle together.  “I’ll get him back for this,” his conviction
clear.	“I’ll beat him the next time we play!”	Warm green eyes
glanced
back at Touya, a smile on his lips.  “Is that why you were upset?”

	The boy nodded sheepishly.

	“Baka...” he said as he neared him once more.  Akira was smiling
up at him with relief in his eyes.  But as he looked deeper into their
blue depths, Hikaru lost his nerve.  He had seen that self assured
expression in them before.  Scratching the back of his head, he said,
“Maybe I should start heading back...”

	Touya grinned and as Hikaru made a move to leave, it was him
this time that grabbed a hold and reversed their positions.  “Sorry,”
he said, though his face didn’t show the least bit of remorse.  “But
you’re not going anywhere yet.”

	Shindo could see the intensity in his rival’s eyes.  It was in
times like these that it was hard for him to try and be the suave
one...
He knew he could never be a match when Akira wished to demonstrate his
strength.

	He could feel his body shiver with anticipation and his lower
lip tremble before Touya captured it with his own.  Hikaru felt the
boy’s gentle touch on him as his hands traced his ribcage from outside
his shirt.  He was loosing his thoughts as he gave himself to the
sensation of that feeling.  ‘Touya’s warmth...  Touya’s strength...’
Before he knew it, he had braced his knees against one another to keep
standing, while his back arched to support his weight against the
wall.
And Touya’s strong hand secured him in his position as it rested on
the
small of his back.

	Akira stepped back and held Hikaru’s eyes.  There was a
mischievous grin on his lips as his eyes took in the state in which
his kiss had left his rival.  “Are you ok with this?” he asked, for
this time there would be no misunderstandings... no barriers...

	The question was vague, but Hikaru knew what he was talking
about.  “Yes,” He said, completely certain about his feelings and to
prove it, he grabbed a hold of Touya’s shirt and pulled him down.
Licking his lips, he proceeded to leave small butterfly kisses along
his jaw-line and finally on his mouth.

	The green haired boy’s arms wound themselves more possessively
around Shindo’s waist.  And as Touya slipped his tongue once again
within Hikaru’s lips, and felt it slide across the boy’s he knew that
his feelings were reciprocated.   While their bodies quivered with
anticipation, they both knew that everything would be ok.  They had
finally met someone worthy to chase after, and they had finally caught
up to one another.

	Hikaru would continue to play in order to be worthy of being
Touya’s rival and also because he still had a goal to achieve: The
Hand of God.  And if Sai didn’t come back... then it would still be
alright because he had realized something bigger, something far beyond
his age: The spirit was eternal, and so they would eventually meet
again in the afterlife where they would be able to play go for all
eternity.


~THE END~


^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:

So, that's it. That's all there is.  I want to give thanks to those
of you that were nice enough to review my story. It was because of
you that I kept posting it. Really people... you should let the
author know how you feel if you read it.  That way we know if it
sucks or not.

Anyway... I'm not planning on writing a sequel to this, but I may
be talked into it if I get enough requests.  I do, however, plan
on writing another HNG fic... so if you liked my story keep an eye
out for it.  Thanks to everyone and a very special 'thank you' to
my dear dear friend Misty Spotts. She's the pervert that made me
admit my obsession with this pre-pubesent boy.  And... you could
say that this story was kind of for her.

Till next time, Minna!

att:  Hikari