Wakaranai :: hikagoyaoi.org

Technical Notes for this Fic:
1) Spoilers?
Not in this part, thank God. The same spoilers in part 1 naturally apply here as well, but that's it for spoilers. ^_^
2) The Disclaimer Dance!
Hikaru no Go and its characters belong to Hotta Yumi-sensei, Obata Takeshi-sensei, and Studio Pierrot. I am merely borrowing the characters for my own purposes and am in no way implying anything about the characters in the actual story. This entire story is just the product of my fangirl-ish imagination ne. ^_^

"Always study your prey before pouncing" was a lesson Yashiro learned from a valuable and wise companion of his: his pet cat. Yet despite the fact that this piece of advice came from a small furry feline whom only came up to his shins, Yashiro had come to acknowledge that this particular lesson held true. Following his decision to help Shindo and Touya in their relationship, Yashiro had carefully observed the other two boys for the rest of the night and had come to the following observations:

1. Shindo and Touya liked each other a lot. No, that was an understatement. Yashiro was almost positive, ninety-nine point nine percent at the very least, that the two were truly and deeply in love with the other. However, at the same time Yashiro was also wary of jumping to such a definite conclusion as "love" when it came to Touya and Shindo's feelings for each other - particularly when he could not boast of having any experience in the area of true love himself. He had been with girls, to be sure, but dating and being in love were two entirely different concepts of themselves. Nevertheless, if the soft fond glances that Touya and Shindo exchanged with each other from time to time were indicators of any sort, then Yashiro felt he could safely and confidently state that what the two felt for each other was most likely a pure and honest love.

2. Despite the aforementioned little looks that Shindo and Touya shot each other though, Yashiro was quick to note that otherwise his two friends were very careful about how they acted around each other in public. There were never any overly noticeable signs of anything past what could be seen as a friendly affection for each other. While Yashiro was thankful for that as he felt that some of their little looks were so sweet that they almost physically made his teeth ache, he also wondered if that very same cautious control the two exercised around each other in public settings could possibly be the answer to their very problems.

Developing a pretty good hunch about what the problem between Touya and Shindo might very well be, Yashiro decided to verify his own bluff by playing a little...experiment of some sorts. Sitting to the side of the goban in pretense of observing Touya and Shindo's 10-second speed go game with each other, Yashiro waited until it was Touya's turn before he said suddenly but very deliberately, "So, what are the sleeping arrangements for tonight, Touya?" Touya, beingfairly well-off for a boy of his age, had managed to purchase what in Japan was considered a fairly spacious apartment consisting of two separate bedrooms instead of the usual one (or in some cases, none). Yashiro therefore wanted to see how Touya planned to split the three of them into those two bedrooms.

Yashiro knew that he was being unfair in asking such a question while both Touya and Shindo were so absorbed in their game and even now, the go professional-side of him was howling at the unsportsmanlike move he had made. However, Yashiro wanted to ask this question when both of them, particularly Touya who had this almost irritating ability of always managing to keep his emotions under control, were vulnerable and unprepared for such an inquiry. This would give him a high chance of getting an honest reaction from the two of them - one that, Yashiro hoped, would call his bluff and hopefully prove him a winner.

There was a beat of silence. Surprise clouding their equally attractive features, Touya and Shindo both turned their attention from the goban to Yashiro, but not, Yashiro noted, before darting a quick uncertain glance in the other's direction. Yashiro found himself holding his breath, waiting for one of the two to speak. Finally Touya said calmly, "I'll sleep in my bedroom, and you and Shindo can share the guest bedroom. I've got two extra futons besides my own, so it shouldn't be inconvenient for either of you."

There was a slight pause between the three of them and then finally Shindo said in a tone that was, in Yashiro's opinion, disgustingly chipper, "Sounds good to me, Touya. It'll be like the Hokuto Cup all over again, na, Yashiro?"

When Shindo turned to smile at him, it took all of Yashiro's willpower not to pound his head against the wall in frustration.

"You guys are hopeless, do you know that?" were the first words out of Yashiro's mouth when him and Hikaru were finally alone in the guestroom together. Touya was the first to take a bath and as such, Yashiro had immediately seized the opportunity of Touya's absence to broach the subject of Hikaru and Akira's relationship to Hikaru.

Unfortunately his comment earned him a glare from Hikaru. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Yashiro?"

"It means exactly what it means," Yashiro said calmly, unfazed by Hikaru's response. "At the rate you two are going, you'll both be old geezers by the time you two gather enough nerve to sleep together. And by that time, you'll both be too old and worn out to get much sex done." He shook his head in disgust. "You guys really are completely hopeless."

"Oh come on, sure it is," Yashiro replied. He then mimicked Hikaru's words from before, complete with his take of Hikaru's overly bright voice, "'Sounds good to me, Touya! It'll be like the Hokuto Cup all over--"

"--again!'" Yashiro continued, disregarding Hikaru. "Now if those weren't the stupidest lines I ever heard, then I don't know what is."

"Oh come on, Shindo," Yashiro cut in before Hikaru could continue. He had talked to Shindo long enough to know that sometimes you almost literally had to beat information out of Shindo, what with the fight the boy put up whenever Yashiro started asking him anything remotely personal. As such, Yashiro made sure not to allow Shindo a chance to change the subject (as he usually did), which meant that he had to get all his points across before Shindo could get a word in edgewise. "I know you're unhappy with this sleeping arrangement. You tried not to show it, but I'm smart enough to know that you would have preferred to have been with Touya instead of me. So why didn't you say something to Touya about it earlier? I mean, you do want to sleep with the guy, don't you? Why couldn't you just have told Touya so?"

"Yashiro!" Hikaru hissed, highly embarrassed by the words coming out of Yashiro's mouth. "Will you keep it down? Touya might hear you." Jumping to his feet, Hikaru quickly made his way to the bedroom door, shutting it with an audible click before turning his attention back to Yashiro, his back pressed against the door of the room and a deadly look on his face.

Much to Hikaru's chagrin though, his look was not only lost on Yashiro as the Kansai boy's expression remained unaffected, but Yashiro even prompted him with an expectant, "Well?", as he waited for Hikaru to reply. Gritting his teeth together, Hikaru wondered whether or not strangling Yashiro was out of the question. He considered Yashiro a very dear friend of his, even dearer since he was the only friend he had that currently knew about his relationship with Touya, but sometimes Yashiro's blunt attitude and occasionally straight-forward words pissed Hikaru off to no extremes. "Shut up, Yashiro!" Hikaru warned again, his voice low and obviously annoyed. "What if Touya hears you?"

"Touya's in the bath right now, isn't he?" Yashiro stated emphatically. "He won't be able to hear us. Anyway, don't think you can get out of my question like that. Do you or do you not want to sleep with Touya Akira?"

"Why? There's nothing--Okay, fine. Then at least answer me this, okay, Shindo?" Ignoring the angry gaze the smaller boy was sending him, Yashiro asked, "Were you truly happy with the sleeping arrangements Touya set out for us?"

Hikaru gave him a dirty look but said finally in defeat, "Okay, fine, I admit it, okay? I admit it. I wasn't that happy with the sleeping arrangements."

"How was I supposed to say anything?" Hikaru exploded out-loud. "It's Touya's apartment, so obviously he gets the say in where everyone gets to sleep for the night. I couldn't just say, 'Well, no, Touya, I don't want to sleep with Yashiro! I want to sleep with you!', now could I?"

"Are you crazy?!? There's no way I can say something like that! It makes me sound like I'm desperate, horny, sex-crazed, or all three. I've got way too much self-esteem for myself to be able to stoop to saying those words!"

Yashiro sighed. "Those words, huh? You can't just keep-- Look Shindo, I think the fact that you two both have too much pride--"

"--and aren't willing to swallow it in order to make the first move is one of the reasons you two are in this situation today." Before Shindo could cut in, Yashiro continued hastily, "Or rather, the fact that you two think it's a matter of pride and not a matter of give or take is the reason why you two aren't getting anywhere." Yashiro held his hand in a stop motion, signalling to Shindo to hear him out. "Look, if you don't believe me, then just answer me this, Shindo. If the tables were turned and it was your house we were staying in and you were the one who made the sleeping arrangements, and Touya later comes to you and says that he would rather sleep in the same room as you, how would you feel? Would you feel that Touya Akira is some horny pervert who just can't keep it in his pants?"

Shindo couldn't help but blush at having to explain his feelings to Yashiro. Leaving his post at the door and coming back to sit near Yashiro, Shindo said a little more quietly, "I would be surprised if Touya came up to me but at the same time I would also be really...flattered and happy that he wanted to be with me so much. I..." and Hikaru found himself unable to continue, finding himself much too shy to.

Yashiro grinned like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. "You see what I mean?" he said triumphantly. "So if you know that you'd be flattered and pleased that Touya wants to be with you, then what makes you think that Touya won't think the same?"

"But..." Hikaru still looked uncertain. "I don't know, Yashiro. I mean, Touya isn't me, after all. Maybe he doesn't want to take it a step further or something. Maybe he's happy with just keeping things the way they are now. I don't want to be pressuring him or anything like that."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Yashiro said confidently. "Trust me on this, Shindo."

And he really was almost positive that Touya Akira definitely wouldn't mind. While Yashiro admitted and knew that he wasn't exactly the most sensitive and emotionally-in-tune boy out there (that was supposed to be more Touya Akira's territory), he had a very good hunch that Touya Akira wanted Shindo as much as Shindo wanted the other boy. Yashiro often prided himself on his insight and he hadn't missed the sexual tension that seemed to underlie Shindo and Touya's movements. Actually, Yashiro paused to reconsider, maybe sexual tension wasn't such a good word. It was more like sexual "uncertainty". The two boys were just always so careful and considerate of the other when it came to sex, that they weren't willing to take any risks with each other in fear that the other would feel pressured or uncomfortable.

"Sometimes," Yashiro said outloud, continuing his explanation, "you just need to be more forceful and aggressive around Touya, Shindo. Trust me, I appreciate the concern and care you have for him and I think it's great that you don't want to put pressure on him, but I think you're worrying so much it's actually sapping your romance with him." When Shindo merely stared at him with wide eyes unsure of how to interpret Yashiro's words, Yashiro moved to better explain himself, "What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you have to be spontaneous. Sometimes you have to just catch Touya off-guard. It'll make a stronger impact on him and it could very well help move things along between the two of you. Like..."

And for a few seconds, Yashiro toyed with the idea of briefly kissing Shindo to demonstrate his point about spontaneousness in a relationship, before finally deciding against it. He just didn't know if he could actually kiss Shindo or not. Heaven knew he wasn't homophobic or anything -after all here he was currently worrying about the sex lives of his two good male friends- but he had just never been attracted to any males to this date. Sure, he thought some guys were good-looking. For example, he often thought Shindo was pretty, even prettier than a lot of the women he knew - what with Shindo's big round eyes, full lips, and small stature. However, he had never felt sexually attracted to Shindo or any other male as of yet, and as such he couldn't help feeling apprehensive about the idea of kissing Shindo who, despite his effeminate features, had a very male body like himself.

When Shindo kept his gaze on him, obviously waiting for him to continue his thoughts from before, Yashiro said instead, "Well, you know what I mean, right?"

Shindo looked doubtful. "I don't know, Yashiro, I don't want to be forcing Touya or anything like that..."

"You won't be," Yashiro told him. "I mean, if Touya looks like he doesn't like it,which I HIGHLY doubt is going to happen, then just stop. If you stop, you won't be forcing him, right? Or if you're really scared that you're forcing him in some way, then ask him if he's okay with it half-way or something. Either way, you shouldn't worry too much about it and you should just do it. You won't know if you don't try, right?"

Shindo still looked hesitant. "I don't know, Yashiro..." he repeated, obviously still not liking the idea very much. "I don't know if I want to do that to Touya. I mean, what if he doesn't want to do it but he just can't bring himself to say 'no' to me and I end up indirectly forcing him? I mean, what do I do then?"

Since when did Touya Akira ever keep quiet when Shindo did or said something that he didn't like? Yashiro thought to himself. But he was careful not to say that thought out-loud, not wanting to get into an argument with Shindo over Touya just now. Anyway, as sweet as Shindo's concern and affection for Touya was, the boy was really starting to exasperate Yashiro with his own unfounded opinions of how Touya would react. "You know what the problem between you and Touya is, Shindo?" Yashiro stated finally. "You two are just too polite around each other."

"Not in that way," Yashiro said, knowing what Shindo was thinking and waving a hand dismissively at the thought. "I know you two still fight like cats and dogs every chance you two get, but that's not my point. What I'm talking about right now is sex. You two are just too fricking polite when it comes to sex." Yashiro purposely made his words blunt, knowing that doing so would most likely embarrass the other. Sure enough, Hikaru's face turned a rather unflattering shade of red and trying to cover his disconcertion, Hikaru shot back roughly, "Shut up, you idiot!"

Yashiro rolled his eyes. "You see what I mean? That's the sort of attitude I'm talking about."

"That attitude. That prissy little front you put up whenever I so much as mention sex." Yashiro paused long enough for Hikaru to only be able to squawk out an indignant, "Prissy?!", before plunging on with his point. He knew his words were hitting home with Shindo and that helped spurn him on. "Yeah, prissy. Whenever I begin to talk about sex, you always try to change the subject--"

"...but you avoid the topic in an unnatural manner - like it's the plague or something..."

"That's it! You're pissing me off!" Hikaru yelled, finally jumping to his feet in annoyance. Finding their conversation too much for him to handle and wanting to end it, Hikaru began heading for the door and Yashiro knew he only had a matter of seconds before Hikaru opened the door and did his trademark 'I will leave the scene when I'm pissed off' move.

"Not so fast, Shindo," Yashiro commanded with a determined gleam in his eyes. He jumped to his feet too, his mind going into overdrive as he realized it was now or never. There was no pussy-footing around the subject now. Kissing Shindo was the perfect way to demonstrate his point and he couldn't let his personal apprehension stand in the way of what might possibly be the only chance he got.

Gritting his teeth like he did whenever he was determined, Yashiro thought, To hell with it, and closed the distance between himself and Hikaru in two hasty strides. Hikaru paused to take a quick glance at the movement behind him and Yashiro took that split second to grasp Hikaru's left arm, his large hand easily encircling the smaller boy's arm in one firm grip. Hikaru, never one to accept being controlled in any sense, let out an angry "Yashiro!" at Yashiro's audacity but Yashiro was unrelenting. Not allowing Hikaru the chance to squirm away, he then threw one arm around the boy and drew Hikaru toward himself, pressing himself against the contours of the other's body. Ignoring the initial shock of another body being so closely in contact with his own, particularly when that body was that of a male like himself, Yashiro released the hand around Hikaru's arm and used it to cup Hikaru's face instead. His last image of the smaller boy before he leaned down to press his lips against Hikaru's own was that of Hikaru's eyes widening to an almost unnatural degree when he realized what Yashiro planned to do to him.

At first, Yashiro wasn't sure what to expect. He knew Shindo wasn't going to be happy about being kissed against his will, and he braced himself for everything from having Shindo kick him in the crotch to the worst case scenario of Shindo telling Touya what had happened and having Touya kick him in the crotch instead. However, Yashiro could honestly say that he never expected what happened next:

Shindo struggled against him as Yashiro had thought he would, and determined not to let Shindo escape, he pressed the boy more tightly against himself, his tongue peeking out to tease lightly at Shindo's closed lips in hopes that the other boy would give him entrance. Yashiro was careful not to be overly forceful or aggressive in his movements though, not wanting to give Shindo the impression that he was being attacked. However, despite his efforts, Shindo, who had stopped struggling, still remained stiff and unyielding under him. Yashiro realized then that his plan wasn't going to work and feeling disappointed, he was just about to pull back when he felt Shindo physically soften under his hands and his mouth finally open and give his probing tongue entrance.

Now it was Yashiro's turn to freeze in surprise. Wha-What was Shindo doing? he wondered. He had thought that Shindo was against all of this...? Confused, Yashiro cautiously explored the insides of the smaller boy's mouth, having this irrational fear that Shindo was going to bite down on his tongue at any moment. However, Shindo merely pressed closer to him, his body fitting snugly against Yashiro's own despite the height advantage the Kansai boy had over him; and Yashiro soon, to his surprise, felt the slick warmth of Shindo's tongue stroking against his own. A small moan emitting unbidden from his throat, Yashiro's arms unconsciously tightened around Shindo in response, crushing the smaller boy to him as he further deepened the kiss, the kiss turning hot and passionate in his fervour.

Caught off-guard by Yashiro's sudden move on him, Hikaru barely had time to react before Yashiro's lips pressed against his own in a manner that, while demanding as Yashiro's hands were holding him in place and not allowing him movement, was oddly not brutal or forceful. Instead, all Hikaru could really register was this sudden searing heat that rushed through his body at Yashiro's sudden unexpected touch and when Yashiro's tongue worked against his closed lips, asking for entry, he found it natural to open his mouth obediently in response. Feeling Yashiro's tongue slide against his own, Hikaru let his eyes fall shut and his body relax into the kiss.

This...feels nice, was all Hikaru could think through the hazy cloud of his brain. Yashiro was a skilled kisser and his kisses reminded Hikaru of the wild: excitement, roughness, and danger all wrapped into one. As Hikaru pressed closer, wanting to get more of this unfamiliar sensation, all that he could think was: This is different from Touya, Touya wouldn't do this, this isn't how Touya kisses, this--

Pushing Yashiro roughly away, Hikaru backed away from the taller boy so quickly that he ended up stumbling in his haste. Yashiro, recovering from being so rudely shoved away, reached out to Hikaru with a concerned, "Shindo, you alright?" but Hikaru slapped Yashiro's hand away, wanting to put as much distance between himself and the Kansai pro as possible.

"Shindo..." Yashiro began as he watched the smaller boy back himself up against the wall, a panicked look on his face.

"Wh-Why the hell did you do that, Yashiro?" Hikaru demanded, his voice trembling slightly as he struggled to bring himself back under control. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I..." and suddenly Yashiro felt, no, knew that this was a bad idea. He had kissed Shindo because he wanted to show him that a person sometimes had to throw all caution to the wind and act spontaneously in order to move a relationship along, but what he realized then was that he had never seriously considered what would happen after the kiss. Sure, he had thought about how Shindo would react to being kissed by him, but what he hadn't thought about was the impact the kiss would have on Shindo and truthfully, himself. Yashiro couldn't help wincing a bit as he recalled the kiss between them. There was no sense denying the truth.

He knew he was making unfair stereotypes, but Yashiro had honestly never expected to find kissing another male enjoyable. Having never been attracted to men in that way beforehand, he had thought he would feel as awkward as hell kissing Shindo and that he would want to end such an experience quickly. But Shindo's lips were so much softer than he imagined, his body small, thin, and so girlish in stature that it had been so easy to pacify himself with the lie that he was actually kissing a girl instead. That it wasn't Shindo and--

Truthfully, Yashiro had never once thought of Shindo as a girl while he was kissing him. He had known all along that it was Shindo he was kissing - Shindo, a boy just like himself - and yet, he had enjoyed the kiss all the same.

Yashiro really didn't want to think of the implications that thought might possibly have for him.

Luckily, he didn't have to as Shindo, who was obviously not willing to wait for his reply anymore, said simply, "I'm leaving." He then turned away from Yashiro, planning to make good on his statement when Yashiro, finding his vocal abilities coming back to him with Shindo's exit, hastily cried out, "Wait a second, Shindo! I--"

The first thought that crossed Yashiro's mind was how eerily like Touya Shindo's "yes" had sounded, but shaking that distracting thought from his head, Yashiro said instead, "Wait, Shindo, let me explain. The reason I did that was--" he paused briefly, finding himself slightly unnerved by the way Shindo's grey eyes bore into him, pinning him down on the spot like a worm that was about to be dissected, before continuing, "--was because I just wanted to show you what I meant. I mean, what I meant when I told you that you sometimes needed to be spontaneous to be able to leave an impact on the other person. Not that I'm saying you don't leave any impact on Touya or anything. What I mean is--"

"That's ENOUGH," Shindo repeated roughly, effectively stopping Yashiro in his explanations. Then catching himself, Shindo said again, only this time a little more calmly, "What I mean, Yashiro, is that I know what you're trying to say and what you were trying to do." He paused briefly before saying simply, "I...understand."

Shindo then fell silent and Yashiro waited for Shindo to pick up where he left off. However, when the smaller boy still said nothing after a few seconds, Yashiro prompted impatiently, "And?"

Something about the way Shindo said the words, "It worked", made Yashiro shudder involuntarily. There was such a strong sense of self-loathing in the words. "Oi, Shindo...?"

"Yashiro, I don't want to talk about it right now," Shindo interrupted. "Maybe later, okay?" Shindo's tone was uncharacteristically flat, and Yashiro, taken back by this Shindo that he had never seen until now, could only say, "Okay... We're talk later then..."

"Good." Turning away from Yashiro, Shindo began heading toward the door, intent on leaving the scene as quickly as possible when he realized almost immediately that something was out of place in the bedroom.

Yashiro, who was coming up behind him, also noticed the opened door and automatically voiced out-loud the one thought that was currently running through Shindo's head:

Ritz's Concluding Notes:
Should I wait to see if people are going to throw rotten tomatoes at me for what I did? ^^;; Actually, truth be told, I really hope people liked this part as I have spent close to a month writing this part alone. Though I had the plot planned out since part 2, it was still very hard for me to explain the concepts I had in my head into words. Even now, I'm not too sure I completely succeeded. For example, I hope Yashiro didn't come across as homophobic. He really isn't. But like most straight males, I just wanted to show his apprehension and uncertainty regarding kissing someone of the same sex - an act that is considered taboo in the society we currently live in.

With that in mind, I would like to say now that this fic is most likely not going to turn into a Yashiro x Hikaru fic. Most likely not. But then, I am finding that my characters are acting in ways that I originally had not planned for them to act (they're honestly taking on lives of their own! *laughs*), so who knows ne? Your guess toward Yashiro's feelings for Hikaru are as good as mine. At any rate, I really hoped all of you liked this part and I want to thank everyone for their wonderful feedback and support in the previous parts. I really appreciate it. Thanks again. ^_^